Day 53 of 365

chasing memories... That's what I've been doing, and like anything that is just smoke and mirrors, I couldn't catch them. I tried. But what I have come to realize, is that what I was chasing doesn't exist anymore. Things change, people change, and you can't always (if ever) re-capture the past. To be down right honest, I am really sorry I tried.

Once, he was my best friend. I met him at a very rough time in my life, and he got me through it. For years, we talked all.the.time. For hours and hours. There was nothing we couldn't talk about. Nothing that couldn't be shared. As the years passed, we slowly lost touch. He came to my wedding. That's the last time I ever saw him, although I did hear from him one or two times after that.

So, about a year ago, I used the world wide web and found out his contact info. I emailed him. He emailed me back. And then...nothing really...a few emails, one text message, but never knowing if it will be days, weeks, or months before contact is made again.

I thought about it and realized, this isn't what I want. I wanted our friendship back. The friendship that I saw through the rose colored glasses of memory. Hind sight is supposed to be 20/20, but I have found that in my experience, memories get blurred and romanticized until all that remains is the good times. I forgot about the frustration of trying to get a hold of my friend for days, weeks, or months without success. The heartaches and pains I didn't get to discuss with him because he never called back. The joys and success I never got to share because I couldn't find him.

Now here we are two decades later, and the same problems still exist. The edges of frustration were blurred by memories, but now they are back, and I can see clearly again. So, I say goodbye to my friend. I'm letting the memories live in the past where they belong. I am done chasing memories and instead embracing the present.